Naptime Musings

Captain Max circa 2009

Costumes.  We all wear them.  They can be a false smile, a confident look.  It's amazing how many people believe you when you speak with certainty and in a strong voice. 

This one's for the ladies...

Today I encourage you to wear a FUN costume.  Wear a velvet cape or an outrageous hat.  Wear a vintage jacket or unusually colored shoes.  Wear those stripy underwear that make you happy even if no one ever sees them.  Paint your nails a bold color.  Why follow the rules.  Many women, myself included are uniformed in yoga pants and plain v-neck tees.  We wear boring clothes that make us feel boring. 

WHY?  

I am guilty of it too.  But today I am in costume.  Just for fun.  I am a pirate.  I have a purple do-rag and big hoop earrings and a hot pink scarf...because I WANT to.  Life is too short, too stressful, and too serious.  Today take a break and do something small just because it makes you  

Happy. 

When you read this poem, let your inner voice whisper.  

Let us walk in the white snow

in a soundless space; 

with footsteps quiet and slow 

at a tranquil pace, 

under veils of white lace.

I shall go shod in silk, 

and you in wool,

white as a white cow's milk,

more beautiful 

than the breast of a gull.

We shall walk through the still town 

in a  windless peace;

we shall step upon white down,

upon silver fleece,

upon softer than these.

We shall walk in velvet shoes:

wherever we go

silence will fall like dews

on white silence below.

we shall walk in the snow.

-Elinor Wylie

From Silver Pennies by Blanche Jennings Thompson

If you find a silver penny in the snow pick it up...its the only way to enter fairyland.

Bonding over Buckets

I intended to write something ethereal this morning.  Some misty skied, sliver moon fairy*tale.  But the storybook of my life didn't allow it. 

I awoke in a flutter of confusion.

First the strange realization that I was wet.  Then the smell.  Powerful, sour, familiar stench.  Then cough...cough...In a flash, I was alert.

Vomit.

Lucy was vomiting on herself, on me, on Finley who was in deep, eye dancing sleep in the nook of my arm.  And there were were... all drenched in vomit.  I froze for a moment.  Then yelled for my KISA (knight in shining armor). 

After a tornado like clean up, we lay on the floor of our master bedroom feeling more grown up than normal.  (Responsibility does that) Quietly thinking.  I wax poetic about my own childhood.  I can picture the photograph in my head.  Gray carpet, pink blankets.  My mom, sister and I are all sleeping on the bathroom floor taking turns throwing up.  My dad actually took a picture.  There is a sense of odd comfort in this memory.  The feeling that your family will care for you no matter what.  At your weakest most vulnerable moments they will hold your hair or grab the bucket.  I have college friends I also created this indelible bond with. 

And so we sat, Lucy next to me covered in her favorite blanket and a green puke bucket next to us... bonding over a bucket.  Well fell asleep.  4 a.m.

9 a.m. Now as I write this watching huge snowflakes fall.  The beauty and wonder of nature trapping us in our house of germs.  We are at the climax of the winter's worst ice storm.  Frozen inside.

Frozen future memory.

Frozen in time.  Snow is blowing sideways. 

So.     Much.    White. 

Lucy on my lap and the green bucket on hers.  Out the window I think I see a Winter Fairy, The Ice Queen perhaps, her glimmering pale blue wings in a camouflage of snow.  She winks at me as if to say, "You'll thank me later for this."   This yuck will be a treasured family memory one day.  One day we will laugh about this; our family, winter, and bonding over a bucket. 

Be well, keep warm, hug your lovers & children

and Believe

I'm going to read my kids some Shel Silverstein.

Commence the Hibernation

The hibernation has begun.  In the Midwest February is the longest month of the year.  No big holiday to look forward to, too cold to play outside and no sun for weeks.  This is the very definition of seasonal depression.  I am determined to remain focused on resolutions and being happy, mindful and content.  Inspired.  I have done the traditional January list making and decrapifying.  Emptied out each and every closet, toy bucket, and drawer.  I have seen enough junk that I am ambitiously planning my very first garage sale ever.  Hilarious though, the kids seem to follow me; moving my piles around and messing up anything I tidy.  This is some sort of war they siege against me daily; putting hand prints on the window just as I finish washing it.  You know the drill.  Cleaning things out feels refreshing though.  A clean slate of outer calm making way for the chaos of three children under 6 to dance through. 

In other resolution news I have worked out five times in the past seven days which is quite a feat for me.  At one point my focus strayed as Finley was sitting on my tummy while I did crunches and I hear loud crashes coming from the playroom where Lucy is completely unsupervised (a dangerous game to play with her).  That being a success, I still eat ice cream in the evening and tell myself Edy's made a typo on the serving size.

Ruby got a huge award at school for character this month.  The Pride Award.  Yep, as you would expect I have silently given myself all the credit for raising a perfect child.  I gotta take it when I can. 

I have been stalking all sorts of photographer's blogs and feel overcome with ideas and anxious for the weather to break and have more outdoor shoots.  Please Please let me know if you're interested in photos.  I want nothing more than to craft some magical memories for you.

Here are a couple of fun snapshots of kiddos we've been hanging with lately.  Peace.  And Happy Hibernating. . .

Bella

Ethan

Finley

Lucy

Norah

Norah

Polly

Mary

Evan

Evan

Evan

Ruby

Elizabeth

Ingrid

Friendship and Inspiration

I am overcome with inspiration.  It seems beauty and delight surround me and overwhelm me making it impossible to chose which thought to cling to.  But I'll try...

Twice this week I've had dinner with friends.  Not that the word friends could really suffice.  These are the friends who show up.  You know, the kind who drop everything when you say it is a crisis.  The first ones to the hospital at the birth of my children and the near death of my son.  We have cried in bathrooms gripping each other as if the world were crumbling around us.  We have laughed thick, meaty laughs over lemon drop martinis.  We have stayed out until 5 dancing and drinking.  And we have gone to bed early to prepare for our 5 am call to play on the ice with frozen eyebrows and coffee breath.  We have studied, worked, dreamed, and grown together.  Graduations, engagements, weddings, baby showers, births, even death.  The thought of these women fills me with emotions.  Gratitude.  Longing for years gone by.  Sweet, sweet memories.  Joy... lots of joy.   Hope for them.  I feel immense hope for them and their families.  I truly love their children, they are extensions of them; strong, vital, deep, intellectual, tragic and victorious.  These glorious women whom I call friends, are wild women.  Wild women of the woods; mysterious and earthy, sophisticated and whimsical. 

My intention is to profile each of the women in my life here.  As tribute to them and also for you to know them as I do, to inspire you. 

I am ruminating lately on becoming my truest self.  Being authentic, and maybe even quirky.  Finding my own creative path through life and accepting myself as I am.  I think at the heart of me, the desire to be a photographer, a therapist, my childhood dreams to be a writer; these are all branches of the same tree.  At it's roots is inspiration.  I dream to inspire you.  And as a miraculous boomerang gift, inspiration is what I get in return.  The universal rule of all spirituality; you get what you put out there.  Smile and the world smiles with you and other cliches. 

So look forward to meeting my friends.  These fascinating women will amaze you and hopefully the photos of their children will inspire you as well. 

And to you, my loves, ladies close your eyes briefly today and see yourself on the dark ice of Wisconsin before the early dawn's glow.  See how your breath moves like fog in front of your lips and look to me, smiling back at you in the dark and know that I love you.  Strengths and flaws, even cheating at scrabble.  My love for you is strong and lasting and I am so ever grateful for you and your presence in my life. 

Nostalgia

I've often described myself as dangerously sentimental.  I can be smothering with my reminders to cherish each moment; kissing my babes and hugging my friends.  I don't ever get off the phone without saying I love you.  And if you know me, you know I mean it every time.  In this new year let's make a point to accept ourselves as we are. 

"Be bold

                                                  Be thankful       

                                                                                          Be quiet       

             Be original             

  Be spontaneous         Be a star        Be young  

                               Be loving    Be crazy         

Be loud         Be random           Be unique        

        Be daring        

                                                                                                Be yourself." 

Take time to look forward to the year ahead, each wizard and enchantress you may soon encounter.  But don't forget to look back.  We are the treasure keepers of our lives making memories relive themselves in our hearts and minds like romance films.  I'm taking a moment to look through old photographs and I thought I'd share a few with you.

Good night my coin collector, may these soft words sooth your soul like a warm drink or a loving look.  Good night.

My Christmas gifts

 A vintage Camera, Arrow.

 A vintage camera, Brownie Bullet.

My grandmother's old fur cape*let.  Perfect for photos.   

And a new prime lens to take these pictures.  

Life has loveliness to sell, 

All beautiful and splendid things, 

Blue waves whitened on a cliff,

Soaring fire that sways and sings,

And children's faces looking up

Holding wonder like a cup.

Life has loveliness to sell,

Music like a curve of gold, 

Scent of pine trees in the rain, 

Eyes that love you, arms that hold,

and for your spirit's still delight, 

Holy thoughts that star the night.  

Spend all you have for loveliness,

buy it and never count the cost;

for one white singing hour of peace 

count many a year of strife well lost 

and for a breath of ecstasy 

give all you have been or could be.  

-Sara Teasdale 

 

What did you get this year?  

A silver penny, perhaps?