You know that voice in your head, the one that occasionally whispers, "Hey. Hey you, you aren't good enough. Yea I'm talking to you, the one who thinks the huge bowl of ice cream every night doesn't affect the muffin top when you wear jeans. You suck."
We all have that voice, don't we? Well mine has been SCREAMING at me. I tried to tell her to go eat Oreo ice cream and shut up-but she won't listen. I tried drowning her in coffee with pumpkin spice creamer but to no avail. She got LOUDER!
She says there is no one out there. No one reads this. "You can't keep this up anyway, optimism hidden under weeping willows and silver linings trimming old photographs. "
Hush.
I know my inner voice is over dramatic but she even went on to say really hurtful stuff like "You aren't a good friend. You are a terrible wife and a screaming bipolar mother" .
Yea, she thinks self diagnosis is allowed too... wench.
So I have been busy. Trying to silence this crazy person in my head.
I am thrilled to tell you, with the help of an amazing husband and daily therapy sessions with my cowgirl best friend, she's only whispering again. AH, THANK GOODNESS.
So with the intention of further self improvement I am vowing to write daily for a week. (My stomach flipped making such a commitment, but I trudge forward.)
I find this type of self doubt slows us down. I've been a pale girl floating in a moonlit pond. Still. Motionless. I want to be frolicking in a sunny meadow with sparrows flying above (yep I said frolicking). I do realize these images of my life are straight out of a children's picture book. The soundtrack to my life does sound a lot like Seseme Street these days.
Hush.
The voice is talking again so just in case someone is out there reading this, no judgment please. I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way. Talk to you tomorrow.
I am reading this and I LOVE it.You have a beautiful talent to share your thoughts and emotions. And guess what i have those same voices in my head too..I have conversations with them, CRAZY. Some days they whisper others days they are so loud they are all I can hear. I think we all have them but, for some of us who strive to be the BEST...Mom, wife, friend and do all person it is worse. A friend just shared this with me. No-one whispers in your ear more than YOU do. We believe the words they we repeat to our selves. They are what move us and guide us...make this the year you believe in YOU...put all those negative thoughts and even negative people out of your life and live the life that God has put u here for! Great advice as I try to follow it each day.I look forward to your future posts.
ReplyDeletevoice whispers softly...
ReplyDelete"Some days my thoughts ae just cocoons --
all cold, nd dull, and blind,
They hang from dripping branches in they grey
woods of my mind.
And other days they drift and shine -- such free and flying things!
I find the gold-dust in my hair, left by thier brushing wings."
(Baker, p. 114 of our favorite book)
Just remember that the shadow people oft sit on those branches and will help you catch a rainbow reflected in the cobwebs if you let them.
I love you!
goodness - I should proof before posting (are not ae, and not nd -- *sigh*.
ReplyDeleteOh to have an edit feature.
I understand...I SO understand...what you are saying! I have wanted to talk to all week but as I mentioned, my "G is grumpy" got in the way. Thank you for this blog. I look forward to hearing your amazing words...true emotion and "realness" streaming 2,200 miles. I love you. Just under two months and counting!!!
ReplyDelete